What if...

Have you ever asked the question what if? It's deep if you go there. Tread lightly with these two very heavy words. I mean, think about it, really think about it. What if....

What if I had not worked a job since I was 14 years old...
What if I had made the cheer squad that year...
What if I didn't buy a car my senior year...
What if I didn't choose to work EVERY weekend my junior/senior years....

I wouldn't have met Darrell. (what if I wouldn't have given him that one chance?)

What if I had finished nursing school...
What if I had gotten a killer job right out of high school...

Then I wouldn't have the job I have now, I wouldn't know the people I know now.
I wouldn't be the same person.

What if I had said no...
What if I wanted someone with lots of money...
What if I didn't marry for love...
What if I wanted more THINGs in life...
What if I would've said NO to International adoption...
What if Darrell and I saw color...

I wouldn't have my sweet Emy and my precious Luke. (what if I had turned them down just because they were considered "delayed" and "weren't perfect"?) My mind can't get around that one---it's just scary.

What if I didn't believe in miracles...
What if God had given up on me...
What if people around me weren't praying for miracles in our lives...
What if I believed in abortion...

I wouldn't have gotten to experience life within me.
I wouldn't have my Tessa.

What if we have moved to the beach that year...
What if we didn't live where we do...

My children would not get to see their grandparents every weekend--such a sad thought.

All of the what ifs in the world just don't add up for me. God chose to bless me with this family, these children, and all I had to do was accept it. What if? That question will never be answered, but I really don't care. I love my life. I love my family. God loves us and sent His son Jesus to die in my place. What more do I need?

I have more than enough, don't ya think?

International Adoption

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  So, here I sit, sad tonight because I know deep down in my heart that Tessa will be the last child we bring into our home. Not by choice, really, but by circumstance. It's funny.....how I say "bring into our home", like Tessa is adopted too. I have cracked myself up because I catch myself saying when we "brought her home" or "when we got her". I never say "when I had her", "when she was born". I guess I'm so used to saying those things about Emy and Luke--when they came home and such. Funny.

• 
  
  I am sad that I won't be able to bring another baby home from another country. International adoption is such a blessing that I challenge all who read my blog to try it just once--it will so bless you. It takes hard work, resilience, prayer, hope, patience, love and kindness. There is a butt load of paperwork to complete, a whole lot of money to pay at each stage of the adoption, and so much waiting......and waiting.......and waiting. It is all so worth it in the end. I will challenge you to this as well--if you can't adopt a child internationally or even domestically; how about becoming a foster parent? Or donating to an orphanage? Or donating to an adoption agency to help someone else financially? Please consider doing this--it will bless these families and these children so much.

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  My heart is so open to more children but my pocketbook is closed firmly. Unless there is a miracle waiting around the corner, my family is absolutely complete; "we are a party of 5".

• 
  
  Don't get me wrong--I'm so thankful for all of my blessings. I love each of them so very much. My life is absolutely whole and complete and I thank God for all of my kids and for Darrell. They are my world and my life and my heart.

• 
  
  Think about my challenge to you--try to uplift some of these waiting families--give a little. If you can't give money, you can pray for them, you can call them and tell them you are thinking of them and that you love them; you can send them a card or email of encouragement or post to their blog.

• 
  
  So, that's it really. That's what was on my mind so that is what I posted.

• 
  
  Later y'all.


• 
  
  Cindy

3 kids!

Yep, I've got 3 kids. I find myself wondering how in the world that happened. I was married and then BAM! 3 kids. My head spins with how fast my life is going by. I'm almost 40 years old--good grief! I have been so blessed by God already. . . He truly does give you the desires of your heart. When I was little, I played house and babies all the time. I wanted Prince Charming and I got my Darrell. After a long day at work, he is my stinky, smelly Darrell. But, he does have a job for which I am very thankful. He is my Prince Charming. I did fall for him after one date you know. I don't know how many hours I used to spend (when I was about 5-6 years old ) listening to those read along records (yes I said RECORDs). It would ring a little bell when I needed to turn the page. I think that taught me more about reading than school actually did. I hated school until I was in 7th grade. Then I loved it. I became a cheerleader and it really brought me out of my shell (I think I had a shell-haha). Back to the read along records. . . I used to read all the time about princesses and princes and wishes coming true, fairy tales, and happily ever after......well, here I am 30 something years later and I truly have my happily ever after. I have married my true love. He & I have adopted two precious children from a poverty filled country-brought them home thinking somehow that I was blessing them. Yeah, right. If you only could see how these two sweeties have blessed my heart, soul and life. I am the LUCKY one, blessed one, whatever you want to call me. Someone said the other day--"those kids are so lucky to have you". I see it as Darrell and I are the lucky ones....Sure I filled out paper work and we paid a little money for the fees. . . that's small potatoes. These two kids were taken from all they knew. We smelled different, looked different, spoke a different language. We are white, they are brown. We have a southern accent. All they had heard was Bengali and they had only seen brown people. Can you imagine what went through those kids minds? What did they think? Where were they going? Would they ever get something "good" to eat again? Its really hard to imagine. I know that Emy transitioned easier than Luke. She was 14 months old. He was 3 years old. Luke hid cookies in his pockets when he started preschool. We found cookies broken in his pockets for a good 6 months after he started preschool. they've come a long way, baby! I'm so happy to be blessed twice by international adoption. If you count my nephews, I'm blessed x 4 by international adoption. I'm happy to have experienced pregnancy and birth of baby Tessa as well. That was a blessing from God as well. She is a true miracle of my life. Actually we have three live miracles in our house....how many do you have?? So this weekend, every time one of my kids got on my nerves, after correcting their actions and telling them what they needed to hear, I tried to turn my face toward Heaven and thank God in the name of Jesus that he put them in my life. I am here to nurture and nature them into adults. They are little people that I am forming into my future. That is a scary statement my friends. It worries the snot out of me. At night, when I'm so tired I can't hold Tessa anymore, I call on my Prince and he takes over. When I need help in the mornings I call on my older children to help with the baby and when I am alone, I start counting...... my blessings, I name them one by one. Darrell, Emy, Luke, and Tessa. Thank you God in the name of Jesus that you placed these special people big and small in my life. I am so blessed...I love them so much!

LOTS OF PICTURES

 Miss Smiling Tessa

 Luke getting sugars

 How rude!

 Lukey Boo

 Thumbs up Mommy!

 Luke feeding baby sister---he loves this!

 Look carefully---she killed the giraffe with her thunder thighs!!!! LOL

 Sisters!

 Intense expression!

 Emy was very HAPPY to have Josh's iPod

 Huh?

 Sisters talking and telling secrets.

 Emy chose to take Ma to the "Me & My Gal Dance" for girl scouts.

 Love the outfit.

 Complete with PINK hair--to match of course.

 Pretty smile. We were strolling outside for this one!

 Napping on the couch.

 Funny girl.

 My 3 babies.

LOVE the hat!

Thanks to my friend Ronda for this precious little hat!

Normalcy

Is that a word?  I have felt like there is not much normalcy in my life since Tessa made her grand appearance.  Do I love her?  ABSOLUTELY!  MORE THAN WORDS can express it.  Does having three children make me crazy?  ABSOLUTELY!   It's hard to explain.  It just seems like Tessa has always been here.  And I'm so very thankful to have all my babies. Life is so.......exhausting......but is even more fun.

It's just a different kind of normalcy now.

Miss Tessa feels much better today--actually since yesterday.  Last night she wanted to pull an all nighter.  So we did.  She talked and cooed and smiled.  And I looked at my wonderful little miracle and smiled back.

We told secrets.

It was so worth the loss of sleep.

I love her.

I am a mommy of 3.

WOW!  God is so good!

Time marches on.....

Time is just flying....Tessa is 3 months old.  Emy is halfway thru 2nd grade and Luke has 2 permanent teeth already.  Geez.  I'm completely and totally worn out today.  Tessa had her 2 month shots a month late. I refused to take her because the flu bug was crazy here.  I don't want to take her anywhere.  She had diarrhea terribly bad last week.  She is gnawing on her hands.  Do you think she could be teething this early?  Geez.

I'm exhausted today---did I say that already?  Tessa and I have walked around the house, rocked, bounced, swung, talked, read, sung. . . we've done it all today.  Plus, we have napped quite a bit together in the recliner--no better feeling in the world.  Poor Luke and Emy.....I feel like they are getting the short end of my stick LOL.  I don't know how mothers of 4, 5, 6 or more do it.  Three is really stretching my limits these days.  I know, though, in the end that God doesn't give one more than they can handle.  So here I am, handling it.

Have a great weekend guys.  Mine is going to get better--starting now!

Gotta to go and rock a sweet, precious baby.....but first, I think I'll play a game with my Emy & Luke.

Adios!  More pictures will be posted soon--I promise!

HAPPY GOTCHA DAY #3 LUKE

 He has been with us for 3 years.

 I love this smile!

 This is from his first week home with us.

And the same smile---LOVE HIM!!

My Luke.

My little man.

My huge blessing from God.

He has manners.

He has a quick temper.

He has quicker hugs & kisses.

He has a HUGE laugh and a GIGANTIC heart.

He no longer puts food in his pockets...He knows he's gonna have a next meal.

He knows our love and he knows God's love and he knows that Jesus lives in his heart.

That's my boy, my Luke, a great little brother and a great big brother.

I love him with all my heart.

He says "Mommy, you are the best cooker". 

From Luke--that IS THE BEST COMPLIMENT EVER! I'll take it.

Happy 7th Gotcha Day Emy!!

I can't believe another year has gone by. Emy is 8 years old and so different than she was when she came off of the airplane.  The biggest thing on her back then was her eyes!!

Her eyes are still very expressive.

My beauty queen.

My sweetie pie.

My Indian princess.

Our blessing from God.

Happy 7th Gotcha Day Emy!!!!!

Getting some weird comments--please email me.

If you would like to continue to see my blog, please email me your email address and identify yourself.  That way, I can invite you to view my blog.  That way, I can keep away the riff raff. I'm tired of comment moderation and if I invite certain readers, I can keep everyone else away.

Thanks everyone.  I will give you a couple of weeks to get this information to me so I can invite you.

Have a great week!
Cindy

Pictures, pictures everywhere!!

 1st real bath!!!

 Luke's 6th birthday!!

 Tessa is 1 month old

 Emy getting spa treatment from Luke

Christmas play at church

Feelings.....geez.

Here goes.  When I found out I was pregnant, complete disbelief took over.  I think in some ways I'm still in denial.  Even having Tessa at home, cooing, crying, smiling and making us happy as can be, it's still so hard to believe that I went through a pregnancy, delivery and ultimately becoming a mother of 3.  These kids are a HANDFUL at times but a HEART FULL ALL THE TIME.

I wasn't prepared to LOVE being pregnant.  I wasn't prepared for the feelings of guilt because I chose NOT to breastfeed.  I wasn't prepared for missing that little life inside of me so much it hurts. I find myself waiting for her to kick me, only to remember she is here now.  I had her all to myself for 9 months and now I  have to share her with other people.  I wasn't prepared to feel the jealousy of having to share her with others.  I wasn't prepared to actually MISS being pregnant.  I wasn't prepared for the swarm of emotions for the first two weeks after delivery.  I wasn't prepared for the weakness in my back and for the sleepless nights. And I wasn't prepared for the guilt I felt for having my tubes tied.  Lots of stuff to be prepared for folks....I was clueless.

Ultimately though, I wasn't prepared for falling so head over heels for this precious baby girl so fast and so strong.  Just like I did with Emy & Luke.  I can say one thing. It doesn't matter how you become a mommy--adoption or biologically--doesn't matter.  Did you hear me?  The LOVE is the SAME! 

I'm feeling so much better since I'm able to get out and drive and go places.  I'm not a stay at home type a gal.  Tessa and I have been ON THE MOVE.  Emy & Luke joined us in our travels during the holidays and I loved having all my kids together with me at home.  What memories we did make this Christmas!!

So here we are--a family of 5--HAPPY AS CAN BE and  we are meshing together quite well as a family. . everyone loves Tessa and I'm feeling better every day....I love being a mommy to these three children.  God has definitely moved in my life and I thank Him daily for his many, many blessings.

Have you counted your blessings today?  On the top of my list is my sweet husband, Darrell.  He is definitely my rock, the LOVE of my life and I do so appreciate him.  He is the BEST daddy ever.  He wins daddy of the year in my book, for sure.

I don't think any year will top 2010 for me, but who knows what kind of blessings are in store for me in 2011??  Keep reading my blog and I'll share them with you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Tessa is 1 month old today!

 Can you believe my sweet baby is a month old already?!

Funny!  She looks scared on this one---the flash, I think :)

Luke is 6 years old!

Can you believe my little Luke is 6 years old?!  He is so excited.  We had a very small party here at the house for him and he will have another party with pinata at his preschool tomorrow.....my sweet fellow is so happy (almost always).  He is a special boy to me.  I love him so much and I am so happy he is part of our lives.

 This is his "you caught me" look.....and again, that smile....love him!

 His sweet smile.

He was so excited to be singing to the parents at preschool in this picture.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKE!!!!!!

I have a few more pics I will post in a few days.....the time gets away from me these days (geez, I wonder why) LOL!!

More pictures...

 Emy & Tessa (my favorite picture so far of these two)

 Emy getting kisses from Tessa

 Tessa's favorite sleeping place and position

 Luke is so proud to be a BIG brother :)

 Tessa in a funny sleep position--we laughed at her for this one.

 Luke & Emy "camping out", watching a movie.

 My sweet Princess Emy.

 I love her sense of fashion!

 Luke

My BIG kids.  I can't believe how tall they both are!