Feelings.....geez.

Here goes.  When I found out I was pregnant, complete disbelief took over.  I think in some ways I'm still in denial.  Even having Tessa at home, cooing, crying, smiling and making us happy as can be, it's still so hard to believe that I went through a pregnancy, delivery and ultimately becoming a mother of 3.  These kids are a HANDFUL at times but a HEART FULL ALL THE TIME.

I wasn't prepared to LOVE being pregnant.  I wasn't prepared for the feelings of guilt because I chose NOT to breastfeed.  I wasn't prepared for missing that little life inside of me so much it hurts. I find myself waiting for her to kick me, only to remember she is here now.  I had her all to myself for 9 months and now I  have to share her with other people.  I wasn't prepared to feel the jealousy of having to share her with others.  I wasn't prepared to actually MISS being pregnant.  I wasn't prepared for the swarm of emotions for the first two weeks after delivery.  I wasn't prepared for the weakness in my back and for the sleepless nights. And I wasn't prepared for the guilt I felt for having my tubes tied.  Lots of stuff to be prepared for folks....I was clueless.

Ultimately though, I wasn't prepared for falling so head over heels for this precious baby girl so fast and so strong.  Just like I did with Emy & Luke.  I can say one thing. It doesn't matter how you become a mommy--adoption or biologically--doesn't matter.  Did you hear me?  The LOVE is the SAME! 

I'm feeling so much better since I'm able to get out and drive and go places.  I'm not a stay at home type a gal.  Tessa and I have been ON THE MOVE.  Emy & Luke joined us in our travels during the holidays and I loved having all my kids together with me at home.  What memories we did make this Christmas!!

So here we are--a family of 5--HAPPY AS CAN BE and  we are meshing together quite well as a family. . everyone loves Tessa and I'm feeling better every day....I love being a mommy to these three children.  God has definitely moved in my life and I thank Him daily for his many, many blessings.

Have you counted your blessings today?  On the top of my list is my sweet husband, Darrell.  He is definitely my rock, the LOVE of my life and I do so appreciate him.  He is the BEST daddy ever.  He wins daddy of the year in my book, for sure.

I don't think any year will top 2010 for me, but who knows what kind of blessings are in store for me in 2011??  Keep reading my blog and I'll share them with you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!