School meeting, tears and a soap box

It's been a long school year and it's not over yet.  I have alot on my mind.  This might be a rambling post so I will apologize for that now.

I long for the good ole days when Luke was in preschool.  He had the most AWESOME preschool teacher EVER.  I'm not saying the teacher he has now is not good, she is.  She is friendly, kind, very beautiful (according to Luke) and she does care about the children.  I'm so happy he is in her class.  I mean, she's great.  I feel like I can talk to her openly and that's a great quality for teachers to have.

Actually, Luke is not doing TERRIBLE in Kindergarten but he's not showing alot of improvement and he's not showing it fast enough.  I just got home from the first SST (I call it step on the mama's toes session) meeting and I'm mentally exhausted.  I literally left the room once in tears because a teacher was reading what I wrote about my special boy...that Luke is brave and strong, that he has been through so much in his 8 years here on earth.  He is fiercely loyal to his family, especially his "girls". 

He says that wants to marry his mama, which makes me happy and makes Emy so mad.  She tells him that if  married Luke, I would be cheatin' on Daddy.  Geez, really?

I also wrote that Luke loves puzzles, loves cars and likes to help me cook and wash dishes (knowing good and well that he likes playing in the water best of all). 

Although I know the meeting is the best thing for all of us, it really just feels like a 6 to 1 meeting and I was definitely the minority.  I felt like the only Wolfpack Fan at a Tarheel game....and I was wearing RED. 

They did try to make me feel okay, but I'm just so worried and stressed and so feeling like I could've and should've done more for my little guy. 

I do have to say that Luke is fighting an uphill battle.  He has so many little things weighing in against him......I feel for him and this fight until he gets his diploma or GED...My biggest want for Luke is that he will be able to live independently one day, but I'm prepared to take care of him for the rest of my days.  I couldn't ask for a sweeter, happier, more loving little boy.

I'm really proud of Luke.  He goes to school everyday without complaint.  He tells me some days that "I couldn't keep up with the boys on the playground today".  He almost looks forward to rainy days because they don't go outside.  I think other kids may pick and ridicule him some because he moves slower, or at least different in their eyes. 

Luke wants to have friends but has such a hard time making friends and keeping them.  He is somewhat of a loner.

My biggest WANT is that I will be able to pay off some bills, so I can either work parttime or quit so I can homeschool my children.  (yeah, right--if you saw my stack-o-bills, you would literally laugh out loud at that statement).  I don't know any other way to avoid the heartbreak that I feel today.  I don't want my kids compared to other kids, especially when mine have come from totally different circumstances. (warning:  mama on a soap box)  Luke was 3 years old when he came home from India.  He has been with me for 5 years.  He didn't speak English when he came here.  He had crossed eyes.  He couldn't see, couldn't walk well and just needed a whole lotta loving. 

He now speaks fluent English (has for years), he has had eye surgery, he wore orthopedic boots to help him walk better, he wore an eye patch for 2 years.  He has endured so very much for an 8-year-old.  And that is what I couldn't even bring myself to say in this meeting.  I just excused myself, walked into the hallway and had myself a cry fest.  Yep, sure did. I eventually went back into the room (all eyes on me) and finished the meeting.  They closed the meeting, thank the Lord and we plan to meet again soon.  Hopefully, I can be a better spokesperson for my child next time.  I may just have to write it in a letter and give them all a copy. 

The funny thing about this is.....I told Darrell no way he was going into this meeting because he would get upset and cry.....go figure!

Thanks for letting me vent here blog buddies, I needed it.

Until next posting or until the trumpet calls (I for one am wishing Jesus would come back before the next meeting at school because Luke will not need any special help once he enters the gates of Heaven).

Love,
Cindy